the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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