Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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