Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he shaved USA in his pubs
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
