Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
