Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
