Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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