meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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