sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize