i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
