She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
