i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
