u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
