there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
