the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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