lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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