the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
