may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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