somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
