Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
