When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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