i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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