I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
