the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
