i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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