My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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