I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
