i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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