Having a random hookup so left but love u
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
