I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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