I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm always down for nudity.
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