Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
