Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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