He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Come see our sink grown plant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
