I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
