If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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