i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
