I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
