So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
