I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
