dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
