my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
