Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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