yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
