I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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