You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
