idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
