I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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