Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
