i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
