my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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